Its 6:55 A.M. and still dark outside, the river is quieter than it has been over the last few days, soon the salmon will run up the river, leaping the fish ladder at the end of the drive. I hope I get to see a few before we leave. Its a spectacular sight, all that's missing is a grizzly bear sitting at the top waiting to catch the flying fish.
Yesterday's blogs had mixed reactions, there were some who found it a difficult read. I'm not surprised, I found parts difficult to write.( Don't worry every blog isn't going to be about going and being mental it was just part of how we got to embark on our great adventure). Even Sarah, who lived through it with me confessed she had "forgotten" just how tough it was at times and some of the things that happened. So why am I writing all this stuff down and why on a very public blog rather than in a journal or diary stashed in my bedside drawer? The why am I doing it bit is simple(ish), its a story i want to tell. I think its interesting and others might too. Going a "bit mental" isn't much fun, true looking back there were some bizarre times which when i look back don't just make me smile the make me laugh out loud. But at the time my mentalness conspired to make it a a dark lonely place. A place many of you will visit, but not from choice and not one where you will want to spend a holiday.
Come to think of it, it might help if you think of some of the blogs as TripAdvisor entries by A Frequent-Traveler.
The Sad Cafe - Mental Town, nr. Depressionville. TripAdvisor Rating **
Room Tariff - Expensive
"Resort map provided by reception was poor, I had no idea where I was, lost friends within 24 hours" **
"The food was tasteless and night life non-existent - avoid" *
"I have visited Depressionville several times, service always the same" **
"Stayed at the Sad Cafe on a business trip. Managed to avoid the very tempting mini-bar."****
"Totally spaced out man... found a guy who literally hands out prescription drugs, like for free, I was sooooo stoned! i like literally slept for a like a week!!! It was like literally,,,, MENTAL!!!" *****
"I have no idea why so many people stay here or why they keep coming back year after year" *
(Note to self - at some point record thoughts on the use of the words "like" and "literally" in youth speak).
So why publish the Blog? Surely this stuff is too personal? One reason is it keeps me honest, or as honest as I can be. In my blog, my version of events is open to challenge correction revision, in a closed journal I'm not sure I'd be as straight with myself. That said I'm not that delusional that I think this is a totally objective account of what went on, not any more anyway, not at the moment, I know for me its always going to be my-story not his-story. The other reason for going public is I hate prejudice, it grows in dark corners like a mold. Mental health is one of the last great taboos, now you can happily talk about cock rings, rabbits and the sexual qwerks, it healthy, but mention you have or have had a mental health blip and folk become embarrassed and change the subject. Its changing, but not fast enough. When i first went to see my GP and did my first PHQ (PHQ a mentalness quiz designed to rank just how depressed you are - you can try it here http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx - a fun game for all the family) and was diagnosed with Severe Clinical Depression i was actually asked if I wanted it recorded as such in my notes. Surely this can't be right? If a member of the medical profession is worried about recording a clinical condition because of how it might impact on how I am seen and labeled by the world then something is still seriously wrong. I told him to record what he saw. Out and Proud ! Actually, at the time Out and Miserable was near the mark but you know what i mean. So... until a member of the Royal Family can stand up and tell the world that their depression was greatly helped by the use of a vibrating cock ring he bought at a pound shop and the Daily Mail prints it on page 25 in the small ads, I think I'll just keep on telling it as it is/was. We have a way to go.
The next blog might acually get us to Trivandrum, but no promises.
Kev
No comments:
Post a Comment