Food, How to avoid Mysore Arse and related stuff

Its a bit overcast here today, Sarah is at the asylum  ashram so I've decided to knock out my guide to eating and staying well while in India.

Everyone has to eat, OK some more than others and some make it the reason to live but we all have to eat. For many of you coming to India the food is one of the main attractions, I know it was for me. Firstly lets get some of the myths out of the way.

You will get food poisoning

Rubbish, follow the simple guidelines i'll give below and you are not much more likely to get food poisoning in India than back at home. You will have a "change of bowel habits" though, its inevitable. In India you are likely to have had your five-a- day fruit and veg by the end of breakfast, most of the food is unprocessed and high in fibre, you will be spending time in a hot climate and have variable hydration, you will probably drink more fruit juices in your time here than in the rest of the year. Basically your gut will have to work harder than its ever done just to shift the food around, coupled with the tendency to over order and over eat on holiday it would be amazing if your tum didn't indicate its displeasure. And I haven't even started on the impact of large quantities of onion, garlic, chili, ginger and coriander on your spice naive system. So how to cope and still enjoy some of the best food around? Here's my advice based on being here for at least 2x3 weeks per year for the last six years, eating in 5 star hotels and roadside shacks, from Hard Rock Cafe in Bangalore to the Kerala Cafe here in Kovalam via the Palaces in Mysore.

International Hotels are safer to eat in than road side shacks

One of the biggest myths around is if you are paying more for your food in a large hotel its safer than street food and hotels perpetuate this with scare stories of veg washed in ditch water and "unclean" cooks. Well they would wouldn't they? From experience the International Buffet so beloved of hotels is the one to avoid, you have no idea when it was all cooked, how long it has sat in those heated serving dishes and who or what has dipped into them before you get your turn. It may be true all the veg in these places is washed in the finest filtered mineral water, but i doubt it no one washes spuds in mineral water, its expensive and you are going to boil them for 30 mins or heat them up to buggery in hot oil anyway, its how fresh was it in the first place, when it was cooked, what its cooked in and served with that counts. Salads and fruit are different, you want them rinsed well in clean water, if you aren't sure, avoid and this is true everywhere. 

Some of the best and tastiest food I have eaten has been in small family restaurants. Spotting them can be fun, basic tips are look for the number of indians eating there (think Chippy, if there were two chip shops side by side one with a queue out the door and the other empty which one would you buy from?), also look for Meals Ready signs. Meals Ready means just that, they cook a meal from whats good and available and make a batch, when its gone its gone. You will be unlikely to have a choice buts that's the fun and will discover new things you didn't even know existed yet alone that you liked.  A note of caution here, don't drink the water that will come with the meal, ask for bottled water or canned drinks and check the seal isn't broken. (note - when you have drunk your bottle of water crush it, most bottled water tells you to do just that on the label). Thali meals are always good value, contents are variable but in general you will get a large portion of rice (here in kerala it will probably be whole grain matta rice, much better than the white rubbish in tourist restaurants, it actually tastes of something in its own right) a thin lentil and veg curry usually poured over the rice, curd (that's yogurt to you and me) a couple of other thicker veg/lentil curries/chutneys, a coconut sambal a popodum and a pickle or two. For fish or meat thali's there will be a small piece of chicken, occasionally mutton aka goat or fish accordingly. Order a chipati to go with it (this will also be your cutlery). Before you start ask if there is somewhere you can wash your hands (there will be, it might just be a bucket and a beaker but use it) then wash them again with antiseptic gel. Enjoy.

I like my curries "Indian Spicy"

Indian spicy is a term used by waiters to mean fully chili loaded, its not how most Indians have their food, not all the time anyway if you don't believe me try a few thali meals, they all come out of the same pot so you will be getting exactly what they are eating. True they are full of spice and flavor but not so hot they remove the lining of your intestine, often they come with a roasted or fried chili to crumble over your food, its a seasoning rather than an ingredient. As a guide remember "Ring of Fire" is a Johnny Cash song not a medical term. If, like me, you love chilli slowly increase your tolerance, doing Indian Spicy on day one will get you in the end, literally.

If i'm ill i'll just take Imodium and i'll be fine

No you won't, if you are unlucky enough to get full blown Mysore Arse rather than just a few loose stools Imodium won't even come close, if your kids get it especially if they are throwing up or irritable and lethargic seek medical help as they dehydrate fast. To re-hydrate the locals use rice water, the water the rice is boiled in, if i have no dioralyte, flat 7 up is a usable substitute. As you reintroduce solids plain grilled chicken and plain rice are a good starting point, drink plenty of water but avoid fruit juices and dairy.

Mmmmm pineapple

The fresh pineapple here is out of this world, sweet and like nothing you will eat in the UK. Enjoy it, BUT in moderation. Its like pouring petrol on a fire if you have a dicky tum, beware. 

Swimming in the pool is so much safer than the sea

True you are a bit less likely to drown but not all pools are as clean as they might look, beware of tummy upsets and ear infections. Ask how often and when the pool is cleaned, take a mo it watch and see if the water is tested and/or given a daily chlorine shock. If not... its up to you but you will be sharing the water with folk who haven't followed the above advice, particularly those cesspits of infection - Kids. (re; those prone to ear infections, two tips never share your ipod/phone earphones with anyone else and Speedo do swimming earplugs which are made from Microban, the antiseptic stuff you can get in some chopping boards, they seem to work for me. You can get them on Amazon).

I've got my factor 30 suntan lotion and am under my umbrella so i'm safe

NOOOOOOO!!!! its still 90+ F in the shade, you are dehydrating much faster than you think, especially if there is a breeze and you don't notice how much you are sweating. Drink (non-alcoholic, non fruit based stuff).

OK that's about it, the sun has come out and I'm off to the beach, sorry if this edition hasn't been as light hearted as others but  follow the above and you are much more likely to have an enjoyable time.

K