Sunsets & Surviving 93 F at 100% humidity

A Spiritual Sunset

Yesterday evening i enjoyed a magical moment, a spectacular sunset over the Indian ocean. Beautiful sunsets here are ten-a-penny as we face west and the sun sinks into the ocean. Last night it was different almost mystical. The light was a gentle salmon pink and just as it faded achieved a vivid quality which took my breath away. At the same time we were treated to a torrential localised downpour, each rain drop sparkled red and orange as it fell. Everyone stopped what they were doing and just watched as the setting sun's light was captured and fell to earth in a rain of fire. It couldn't have lasted for more than a few moments but in that time time itself seemed to stop. The intensity of the experience gradually faded and the moment was finally and somehow appropriately broken by the call to prayer from the mosque down on the beach.

The moment gone i poured myself another mango fizz (gin, fresh mango juice, soda over ice 2:1:3) and thought about our first month in India.

Living here is a strange mixture of the mystical and the madcap, the chaotic hustle and bustle of 1.5 billion people going about their daily lives, abject poverty literally living alongside massive wealth, slum shack next to multimillion dollar mansions built with the hard currency of India's technological miracle, the personal kindness we had been shown and the crushing cruelty of poverty we had seen, beggars and the mega-rich. Last night we all stopped to watch as nature put on a free show which outperformed any Diwali firework display. It was truly humbling.

I'm not a religious person or even a particularly spiritual one but here there is something intangible, something which seeps into the fabric of the place that's hard to describe and lends itself to thoughts of "something bigger". It goes beyond organised religion, though there are plenty of them to choose from here, and somehow touches my very essence of being.

Two more mango fizzes later I'm considering applying for the job of Pope.

Sleeping in 100% humidity

Last night it was no hotter than the night before, i.e. about 90+ F but it had rained just before bedtime. This was very bad news as the humidity soared to 100%. In real terms this feels like 120 degrees and is into sauna territory. Even the locals find this uncomfortable. I don't remember if i've already told you but we don't do air conditioning. If you are here for a couple of weeks fine, but if you are here longer air con will make you feel bloody awful. Longer term you never acclimatise to the heat, your body will continue to sweat at UK rates, you will dehydrate and have a cornflake filled nose and constant headache. So we don't and I'd advise you not to either but its your choice.

But there is a down side to non-A/C if it rains for just a few mins before bed its going to be a "sticky one". Last night was such a night. I must admit it wasn't helped by the mango fizz. So how to cope? Here are my tips, I have done all of them to various degrees of success, some are blindingly obvious others less so.

• Don't go to bed if you aren't going to go to sleep - all you will do is make your bed sweaty, 
• Have a cool shower - not a cold one it will make you feel worse, and if you only have an en-suite remember SHUT THE DOOR as it will supersaturate the air with even more water.
• Rather than using a mossie plug in thingy get a net, that way you can have the windows open
• if the room is tiled - try lying on the floor with a wet towel on you, as it drys it will cool you down.
• If all else fails - get up, read, listen to music stay awake all night sitting under a fan then kip on the beach in the morning. (p.s. If you can, buy a battery powered fan on Amazon/eBay before you come out. Sods law states the thunderstorm which raised the humidity will also have killed the mains power, which also means if you have gone the A/C route and your hotel/lodging doesn't have a very big generator you will be feeling really rough and near hysterical).
• If you are totally at your wits end call for a taxi and go for a night time drive with the windows open.

I went down the get up and read route.

By request the next blog will be about food, eating out and how to avoid Mysore Arse.

Passing more than time waiting for a telecom engineer and evoking Indian gods

We have finally got broadband and cable TV, in the apartment it was ordered on Saturday and i was promised faithfully that it would be in by Monday night. You'd think i'd know by now that time is variable here in fact it took 4 days. Here's how it went,

Saturday - signed papers, a very nice man from Asianet called Praveen came to explain the various packages, bandwidth, speed, allowances, cost, etc. His english was slightly better than my mayalam, I can say thank you, he could say hello and goodbye. Fortunately he had a leaflet where all the tech stuff was in English the rest in Malayam (except for the small print which was also in English - funny that, you'd think they don't want the local population to read that bit - surely not).

We got on like a house on fire, i showed him my laptop, chromebook, kindles, nexus, phones and iPod Touch and confirmed through the medium of indian contemporary dance they all would be able to log in to the wifi. I knew those hours spent watching Bollywood movies would finally pay off.

By means of a particularly enchanting series of hand gestures, head movements and nifty foot work I agreed to an unlimited 30 gb deal with the fastest speed they do (2 mbps) fast enough to stream Test Match Special ready for the Ashes.

I handed over the 3000 Rupees (£30), 1500 Rs for installation and the same for the first months line rental he in turn gave me his phone number in case of any problems. He assured me it would definitely be in by Monday.

Sunday - as expected, nothing happened, it just rained a lot.

Monday - Phone call to check when to expect the engineer, I was told after 2pm. so we went to the beach and returned for 1:30pm to be sure we wouldn't miss him. By 5 p.m. no one had arrived and a call confirmed they had had a problem at the exchange with the fibres and it would be after 10 a.m. in the morning.

Tuesday - by noon no one had arrived so I rang Praveen, they were coming after 2 pm - all was OK. At 4 p.m. Chris phoned to see if we had cable yet, I told him not as yet but Praveen had promised. Chris rang him and within 30 mins the cable guys arrived in the rain. Apparently my phone call and double pirouette hadn't done the trick earlier. We were then treated to a daring high wire act as the engineer balanced on the top of an aluminium ladder wedged into the back of his truck and connected a new cable to the splinter box which was hung 4 feet below the HT national grid power lines. Sarah wanted to take his photo but decided getting him to wave his soaking wet screwdriver over his head inches from certain death was probably not a good idea as it might delay the installation.

The engineer then informed us the modem/outer would be with us by 5:30 as it needed to come from Trivandrum so we sat down to wait for the next phase. By 8 p.m. we gave up.

Wednesday - I woke in serious pain, and i do mean serious, not only was I in pain but how was I going to communicate with Praveen, no way could I do that spin, tap, spin move required to tell him we still hadn't got our modem. It felt like someone had taken a machete and cut me in half from the bottom of my dangly bits to the middle of my back. This was worrying, much worse than Mysore Arse, I didn't know if I should or could stand, sit or lye down. It was 5:30 a.m. and no one to talk to for advice (OK i could have phoned home or AmEx but I wasn't thinking straight and I didn't want to let Sarah know just how much pain I was in) So i took two imodium, two paracetamol, two nurophen and drank a litre of water and curled up on the bed waiting to die. By 8:30 i was at my wits end went to the loo for a pee and PING!!! A small grape pip sized black object appeared in the loo. The pain instantaneously went, I had passed a small kidney stone. Ohhh joy!!! The relief was unbelievable, now there was absolutely no pain, it was as if someone had thrown the off switch in pain central it really was that fast most importantly I COULD DANCE AGAIN!!!!

This isn't the first time i've passed a kidney stone, but the first one for over 10 years, I'd completely forgotten about the fact that if i get modrately  dehydrated for a long period of time and live on lots of oxalate containing fruit and veg I'm prone to the damn things. Oh well if I needed an excuse to drink more here it was, sitting in the loo pan looking back at me.

I downed another liter of water and was back on the phone to Praveen, Anton Du Beck had nothing on me as i indicated my displeasure at having to stay in for yet another day waiting for the modem to arrive. I was told it would be here by 2 p.m. (dip, swoop, jazz-hands). By 3 p.m. I discovered Asianet had a Facebok page - I posted my dissatisfaction on their FB page with my phone, there for all the world to see, that would show them I wasn't to be messed with. 30 mins later there was a phone call to say the engineer would be with us in 30 mins, and he was and 15 mins later we had broadband, no TV as that needed another box from Trivandrum but now we had established I was a man prepared to use the world wide web to get what I wanted I knew they would deliver. I was dead chuffed, until 10 mins later Chris rang to say he had called them and threatened to cancel the contract if they didn't get their arses in gear, he had evoked a higher deity than the of of dance. He had explained to Asianet that I wanted to watch Sachin Tendulkar play in his final test and if they couldn't get things sorted before he went into bat at 11 a.m. on Thursday they could shove their modem and cable box up their collective arses. Now they understood the true urgency of the situation and my need for speed was fully understood. The sudden change had nothing to do with my withering wit on the internet but a fear of losing the contract and the reverence that is commanded by the little master, ST.

Thursday - gave key to Mumtaz, the lady who owns the apartment and lives downstairs and went to the beach.  On our return cable TV and broadband were both up and running and Mr T was 38 not out at the close of play. All was right with the world.

Today is Friday, breakfast, beach and hopefully watch one of the world's greatest batsmen get 100 in his final Test appearance.

p.s. I have now realized that though my interpretive dance moves were impressive they were of little use when conversing by phone.

Four weeks in, Crows and EPCOT vs India

Four weeks in, Crows and EPCOT vs India

So we have been here for 4 weeks now and beginning to settle in nicely, the apartment is beginning to feel like home and though hasn’t as much space as the house had its in a much better place, 3 mins to the beach, not as busy, more Rock than Padstow (minus the Henrys).

We have spent the last week getting the essentials for Indian life, a tawa (a bit like a crepe pan) for making dosas and toast, a juicer/blender/wet’n’dry grinder for making masala pastes, a large kettle (the travel kettle just wasn’t up to the job), 25 litre mineral water bottles and dispenser, various spices and dhals, a supply of fresh yogurt (aka curd) and 5 hundred weight of fruit (various).

Sarah has just come in from a run to Samudra beach not far but in 90+ C heat “a bit taxing” she took the coastal path rather than running along the beach as the sand is soft and she thought it would be easier. Pity she forgot about the steps, she is now sitting on the bathroom floor with the shower on full blast, her running clothes are strong enough to make their own way to the washing basket.

We don’t have a washing machine here, we have a man who picks up the laundry, washes, irons and returns it. No doubt its been to some stream or other along the way and had the hell beaten out of it on a rock but it comes back clean and smelling nice. Talking of washing in streams we saw one of the strangest pieces of bird behavior last week. A local woman had just finished her weekly wash in the stream at the side of the road when out of nowhere a murder of crows and jackdaws appear filling the trees around her. As she packed up to go one by one the crows took it in turns to have a bath, splashing around in the soap suds, rinsing themselves off in the clean water then sitting in the trees, wings out stretched to dry off.  No wonder crows are known as feathered apes, they must have sussed the soap cleans their feathers and maybe acts as an anti-flea treatment too. It was comical watching them patiently queue up to take their turn. Does sir want the full wash, rinse and dry?

One of the best things about being here is the unexpected trivial things we observe, things the locals no longer see as they are so familiar to them. Everyday life has a new and vibrant colour to it here, familiar but alien it shocks, mystifies and delights in equal proportion. We love it.

I've been asked is how do you cope with the poverty, the squalor, the injustice? A friend once said to me “I don’t know how you do it, I couldn’t live there, seeing all those things… we prefer Florida”. To her it was as if I was talking about going to see a horror film. Her solution being if you don’t go and see it, it doesn’t exist for you, you have no emotional or personal responsibility for what you haven’t seen.

This is the difference between holidays and travelling or living in a country. Living here is not like a film, just another entertainment, packaged, sanitised and PG rated, its about being here, a HumanBEING not just searching for the next cling film wrapped thrill. I saw an apartment room advertised yesterday, below the name of the residence was the slogan “Our rooms are clean but not sterile” I think they were trying to say they had character rather than interesting diseases for you to enjoy, at least I hope so. But for me it summarised how some people travel in and through life, they want the glam and glitz but none of the reality, a clean but not sterile existence. I think of them as the EPCOT travellers, folk who want to see the world but want to do it in an afternoon, never be more than 500 meters from a clean toilet and be able to get fries with whatever they are eating.

 I’ve been to Epcot’s version of India, all maharajah’s palaces, elephants, Hindu gods and men in turbans. It’s about as real as Dick Van Dyke’s version of cockney. No beggars, no slums, no tuk-tuk death race (they really should have included it as a ride) no poverty, no real people, no real smiles, no wobbling of the head in resignation that what will happen will happen, no dirt, no plastic bags, no humanity.

The thing which defines India above all others is missing, the humanity of 1.5 billion people living together. (I doubt even using CGI Disney has the budget for that).

EPCOT may be a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. Give me India, with its problems and joys every time.

Oh well the cable guy is due this morning, pity the electricity is still off from last night’s storm, time for breakfast.

K

Location Location, Location - India Style

Morning all, its dawn 5: 57 a.m. here in India so 00:27 back in the UK. I’ve been up since 5 a.m. as usual woken by the call to prayer from the mosque on the beach.  The air though still is cool and fresh and coupled with a rather good cup of coffee sitting here on the balcony listening to the waves breaking on the beach it’s a good way to start the day.

So, when I last wrote we were “homeless” hardly on the streets though as we were staying in a rather nice room waiting for the Keralan government to stop fannying around and issue the licence for our home.  But after three weeks of living in a hotel we were getting cabin fever, there was no personal space and it was getting claustrophobic. Also if we held on any longer and the licences wasn’t granted it would have meant al the best reasonably priced places would have been snapped up by the incoming wave of Russians due to arrive over the next week or so. 

So that was that, time to look for another home in which to spend the winter, it was time to play the Indian version of “Location, location, location”. Chris and Ravi immediately leapt to our aid though Chris has too much hair to play the part of Phill and Ravi our faithful tuk-tuk driver wasn’t prepared to dress up as Kirstie (not for the money we were prepared to tip anyway).

In our Indian version of the show all houses are mystery houses and we had eight to see in a morning.

Essential Criteria in no particular order were:

·         Licenced

·         Light

·         Reasonably spacious

·         Nice area

·         2/3 bedrooms

·         No more expensive than the house we had hoped to rent

·         Cable TV/internet (3G internet access in Kovalam is good and relatively cheap but Skype and access to Test Match Special  tends to munch the GBs at an alarming rate)

Chris also added his own criteria of

·         relatively few mossies

·         not too far from either where he lives and/or works (so he could keep an eye on us).

Off we set bottle of water in hand, Sarah and I in Ravi’s tuk-tuk, Chris riding on ahead on his motorbike.

House 1

Good points – large second floor apartment, 3 beds magnificent view out over Kovalam beach, owner prepared to decorate the entire place that weekend,

Bad Points – over a massage parlour, constant smell of massage oils, no glass in windows, no mossie nets over windows. Only one bathroom but owner prepared to put one in in a spare room.

House 2 (behind House 1)

Good points – reasonable size, 2 beds, clean (no need to redecorate) small balcony on the side with views out over the beach.

Bad points – building work behind the house Digger in the back garden, noisy.

House 3 (about 2 km from the beach on a back street – very Indian neighbourhood)

Good points quite large former Ayevedic treatment centre 3 bed/treatment rooms complete with own massage/treatment table and oil drip tray.

Bad points – very dark

House 4 (near house 3)

Small Indian family home (think large garage plus shed) – met on doorstep by current resident in vest and pants, baby asleep suspended by bungee cord in a shopping bag hung from the ceiling. One bedroom, considered if we got a bigger shopping bag would it do for Thomas and Lauren? – Moved on.

House 5 (Penthouse in newish build overlooking Lighthouse beach)

Good points - Very un-Indian modern apartment, best views yet over lighthouse beach, large open plan lounge, glass conservatory/dining room mossie nets on all windows, luxury spacious living. 2 bedrooms, separate access to second bedroom from outside.

Bad points – the reason for the nets and glass conservatory, this was mossie central and Chris aka Phil decided we couldn’t afford it.

Houses 6,7,8 Apartment block 100 meters from house 5

Similar issues as house 5 and came with own pet cockroaches.

After much debate – i.e. as much debate as you can have in the time it takes to drink half a bottle of beer. We had two choices, house 1 or 2 , we had excluded houses 3 and 4 and Chris had decided 5,6,7 & 8 weren’t for us.

In the end we went for house #2 as predicted by Kirstie aka Ravi.

We moved in two days later and have been playing house ever since (good news re: building work, its a swimming pool being built for the new hotel and has a completion date of the 14^th Nov. Sarah thinks we should be able to pay the hotel (i.e. bribe the staff) for access, so we have an apartment with a pool.

Well done Phil and Kirstie you’ve done it again!!!

And now…. Breakfast.

Kellogg’s Banana Cornflakes, fresh juice, toast & more coffee.

K&S

Heathrow to Kovalam and our first weeks in India

From memory I think my last post was in the hotel room in Reading three weeks ago so I’ll pick up the story from there.

Reading to Heathrow

The taxi arrived on time and we lugged the cases down to the foyer, it was 8:30 a.m. and by now I was wide awake having been up since 2:30. I had popped out for breakfast in MacDonald’s at 4:30 with the last of the die hard clubbers while Sarah slept on. It was an experience to say the least but it passed an hour or so.

Now it was time to journey on and my main concern was were we going to be able to fit all our luggage and us into one taxi? Fortunately they had sent a large BMW estate so we were fine. Check-in was a breeze but we had 3 hours to kill before our flight time. We cleared security without too much phaffing about and so we were soon munching away on tikka and samosas in the Air India lounge. Next the mandatory duty free shopping 2 bottles of Bombay Blue Sapphire and two of Smirnoff Blue label (you are allowed 2 bottles of duty free each if you are flying to India),  the lady at the checkout looked at us with concern and tried to explain the “internal flight problem” we had previously encountered in April. We told her we had it sussed and packed all four bottles in a rucksack filled with towels.

In no time at all the three hours flew by, helped by the odd complementary V&T back in the lounge. What? Ok it may have only been 10:00 BST but I was already on Indian time and it was 14:30 there.

Once on the plane it was time for lunch/dinner, depending on which time zone you were in, and then a nap. I’ve given up trying to watch films on flights, I tend to fall asleep anyway and miss the ending.

Mumbai 2:30 A.M Indian time

We arrived at Bombay Mumbai (Airport identifier still  BOM) having had a good sleep and well fed ready for the excitement which is Indian Immigration, Baggage Handling, Transfer and Customs. This is a game everyone can play (in fact it’s mandatory if you want to get into India). If you have never tried it you have absolutely no idea or reference point to compare it with. Those of us that have, have a common bond, we approach it with a battle scared look in our eyes and a knowing nod to each other, it requires an inner calmness and at no point should you show fear or concern for those that fall by the wayside as there will be many. You know you have one mission and one mission only, to get to your final destination with as many of your traveling companions and/or bags as possible. Dare to dream of “All” but be prepared to settle for “most”.

Here are some tips to get you through –

• ·         Pre Flight Packing – never put all your undies/pairs of shoes/tablets in one bag and always have a change of clothes in your hand luggage so when your case is lost you can at least survive for 24 hours (This is the time it takes for a new complete wardrobe to be made from scratch in India and any meds needed dispensed).
• ·         Consider having your children(or elderly relative) micro chipped/attached to long dog walking leads/handcuffed to your luggage trolley – In Mumbai, the chances of keeping any family of greater than four together in baggage reclaim and transfer are slightly worse than keeping your luggage together.
• ·         Karma and baggage reclaim – Those of you who got to the airport early to get the seats with extra leg room are now about to be paid back for your “comfortable” flight as your bags were first onto the plane, they will be last off, except for one bag which will somewhere in the middle to give you a false sense of hope then make you wonder where are the rest.
• ·         If the unthinkable (inevitable) happens and you are left staring at an empty carousel long after everyone one else has gone to join the customs queue don’t panic. Walk up to the nearest baggage assistance kiosk, explain the circumstances, be prepared for much head wobbling, It may be some kind soul has unloaded  your bag and put it somewhere else if not – its only a bag and depending on your final destination may still get there before you do. (the same applies to children and relatives), above all BE NICE… you may be sleep deprived, frantic about what you have in your case and want to kick the nearest person but remember s/he has to work in this 8^th level of Hell 6 days a week.

Trivandrum

Airport security wanted to do the “you give me all your duty free routine” again but we are old hands at it now and just checked it into the hold. We both managed to sleep the two hour flight down to Trivandrum and arrived relatively awake and ready to go. In baggage reclaim all our bags had arrived and were on the trolley in under 10 mins of touch down – a new All India Record or us.

Unfortunately two other travelers weren't so lucky a mom and her daughter on their first trip to India stood looking more and more worried as the carousel of bags got smaller and smaller, emptied and stopped. None of their bags had made it from Mumbai and they were heading off to Vakulla for a two week holiday. All they had were the clothes they stood up in and a couple of Toblerones. All we could do was offer sympathy and point them towards the luggage desk. When last seen they were deep in conversation with an Air India official head wobbling set to maximum.

We loaded our trolley and moved outside the terminal where Chris one of our friends had agreed to pick us up. With a certain amount of pushing and judicious strapping on of cases on the roof he managed to fit us and our ridiculous amount of luggage into an on a medium sized hatchback. In India there is always enough room, I have regularly seen entire families, papa, mama, 10 year old child and baby in arms along with the weekly shopping on a scooter. Things you wouldn’t get into your people carrier are regularly moved by motorbike. It’s the norm here.

There is no experience like landing in India or the first drive from the airport, the transition from air conditioned aircraft and airport to the chaotic hustle and bustle of the roadside. We have been doing this for 7 years now and it still literally takes our breath away. Everything is turned up to 11, the bright colours, the smells, the noise, the number of people, the intensity that is India, cows alongside brand new 4x4 Landcruisers, the iconic white Austin Ambassador taxis and the yellow and black three wheeled tuk-tuks and the people. If at any point you are considering driving yourself while here I suggest you do the following:

• 
  

1. Buy a copy of the local paper
2. Sit down with a coffee or chai and read it from cover to cover
3. Count the number of roads deaths on that one day
4. If you are still thinking of hiring a car – hail a tuk-tuk and ask him to drive you across the city at noon
5. Realise just how stupid an idea that was then hire a cab for the day, it should cost you about a tenner.

It was during the drive from the airport Chris dropped a bombshell, we couldn't have our house. i.e. we were homeless. The local authorities in the part of Kovalam we had hoped to stay hadn’t got round to granting the licences for the owners to rent out their properties yet. We could store our cases, use the washing machine in fact do anything we liked there except sleep.

If we had never been here before this might have been “a tad worrying” but we knew the score after all it is why the wobble head was developed a practical and philosophical response to everyday life here. We dropped our bags at the house, headed to our favorite restaurant, had breakfast and within 20 mins had a clean, large hotel room with balcony, 100 meters from the sea, cost - £2.50 per person per night. We then set about the important job of “doing nothing while the papers were sorted”. This involved, sunbathing, swimming in the sea, rediscovering restaurants, catching up with friends, listening to old podcasts of the News Quiz, reading worthy and not so worthy novels i.e. we did the holiday stuff and acclimatized to the heat.

By the end of two weeks we had had enough of waiting and decided it was time to move on, as lovely as the old house was it was looking less and less likely we would be in it anytime soon so reluctantly we decided it was time to play “A House in the Country” and go and look for somewhere else. Chris came to our aid once again and off we went, but more of that next time.

And we're off!!

Exeter to Reading 

Sunday 04:05 (BST) - Reading

Its 4:00 a.m. or 8:30 a.m  India time and i'm wide awake, the switching to India time before we fly seems to have worked. Sarah who is still on UK time is trying to sleep but not having much luck, not to sure why, the bed was ok. She has just mumbled something sounded like "cupid hat" and "f***ing browsing the web at 4 in the morning". Her eyes are shut so i expect she is dreaming or  having a nightmare.

The journey from Okehampton by train was ok, and hopefully the most uncomfortable part of the trip. There was less leg room than on a Ryan Air Airbus Cram-em-in 320. As they say we "Let train take the strain" rather than driving, what they don't tell you is if you're 6ft 3 you get the back and neck ache instead, but we got here in roughly one piece which was good.

We had decided to make the most of our joint 138 kg baggage allowance,  after all we are going to be in India for 5 months. So the 6 cases (plus two carry on bags another 30 kgs) were packed with such essentials as 4 kgs of coffee, two full size memory foam pillows, and a wall safe with 4 tubes each of epoxy resin and hardener to stick it down on arrival. The safe actually weighed less than the coffee.

So how heavy is 168 kgs? Its the same as two grown men plus a small child. We had to abandon the idea of Tom taking us to the railway station as we couldn't fit it and us in his Audi A3 but fortunately a neighbor offered to take us and we managed to cram all the bags and us into or his Discovery (just).

All was good at Exeter St David's, Sarah managed to bag a trolley to get us from the car to platform 3 and then to platform 5 as Sarah had misread the board, "What a silly sausage!!" I happily joshed, so what if we had to run? "dearie me!!" I said, or some such words,  How i laughed as i pushed the equivalent of 2 dead bodies at break neck speed back into the lift to get to the other side of the station, scattering other passengers who skipped joyously out of my way as we made our dash to get there before the train disappeared. (Look, its my blog and I'll tell it how i want to OK? There was no blood, or broken bones and we got on the train by wedging the door open and throwing the cases into the train).

Once we were finally on board Sarah sat in her seat grinning, "That was fun, and you know what? I did exactly the same thing last time I was going to London" I thought it best not to comment, actually I couldn't as I was still trying to get my breath back.  Probably for the best

Reading is in the process of urban renewal and actually looks quite nice .now i.e it looks clean and the same as every other Shopping Mall. As part of this the station is getting a make over, it will be nice when its finished but that did cause us another problem as we hurled our two dead body weight cases onto the platform. There were no trolleys. So we carried them, all of them up and across the tracks to the main entrance. Half way we took a break, right next to two railway workers who were having a chat, one about 25 the other nearer 50. Both looked at us, and could see we where struggling the younger chap walked towards and then past us through a door marked private - staff only. On on the back of his Hi-Vis jacket were two words Customer Service. I was just about to knock on the door and shake him warmly by the throat when the older chap came over, picked up two of our cases and asked where we were trying to get to, he carried them all the way to the taxi and disappeared before we could even think about tipping him.

Ok so its now 5:00 Sarah has resorted to putting on her noise cancelling earphones, must be the air-con keeping her awake. Anyway, back to typing.

Our overnight Hotel is fine, clean, modern nothing to comment on here really. We decided to pop out for something to eat and after a couple of hiccups (Waggamoma's was queuing out the door, the latin american place was too load and busy) we went to All-Bar-One. I had a really good burger and chips (unless we go up to Bangalore and go to the Hard Rock Cafe burger is off the menu for 5 months, even McDonald's is cow free in India) Sarah had Tapas i.e bits of stuff, chicken, halumi, prawns. It was good, we stopped off for coffee and hot chocolate at Cafe Nero on the way back and I was fast asleep before Strictly was over.

Time for another coffee, maybe I should wake Sarah and ask if she wants a cup of tea, its 5:30. Nope I'll let her sleep on, for some reason she appears to have had a restless night.

Kev

7 hours and counting, renting a house in India, Saying goodbye to friends

4:50 A.M  Dartmoor 

Good Morning to you blog reader, its a bit early, I've been up since 3:30, I had to phone India to arrange the pick-up from the airport on Monday morning. Sometimes, even now it amazes me how easy it is to call someone on their mobile in India from here right on the edge of Dartmoor. Billions of pounds worth of technology, satellites, fiber optic cables instantaneously sending lots of ones and zeros at near the speed of light just to book a car for a 30 minute ride. It usually takes longer to get through to Oke Taxis to pick us up from the pub.

Before my birthday ramblings I had left our story with me on the beach last April listening to the Clash.
As I've got some time to kill before out neighbor takes us to catch the train I thought I'd try to bring things back up to date. i.e. the last 5 months in a single blog. Brace yourself... its going to be quick. A sort of readers digest version. It can be done e.g Hamlet in  14  words. Danish Prince deals with his uncle killing his dad and shacking up with his mom. (For full story with songs watch the Lion King). So here we go...

Kovalam Beach April 2013

I was now retired but Sarah was officially on holiday, as I've said we had both had enough and decided we were getting out to start a new life. However when that would happen depended on my redundancy /retirement going through, not if, just when we made the change was in question. She couldn't give her notice until we had confirmation and that didn't happen until we were on the M25, 2 hours before we got on the plane. Obviously, many people thought they knew what we were thinking but we couldn't confirm it until the cash hit the bank. We decided the moment we got home she would email her boss and hand in her notice. It wouldn't be easy living on just my pension, in real terms it was a 60% reduction in income but we had done our sums and it was doable.

Cutting our cloth

Firstly we added up the amount we spent getting to work. In our case 2 x 3.5 liter petrol V6 cars doing 300 miles per week each (OK i know this was a stupid waste of money but we loved them and at the time could just about afford to do it - lets just say they were our mid-life crisis indulgence), add in tax insurance etc. Then add all monthly credit card debt, inc the car loans.  The kids were working, coming up to the last year at uni and due to start work in September and mid uni with 2 years to go respectively. There were other bits and bobs but by my calculations and once all the recurrent costs were removed i was actually working for £100 p.c.m (less than 1 random wander round Waitrose or 1/3 the cost of keeping me in cigarettes). Total and utter madness, both the waste and the still smoking at 51.

There were some things we would need to do to make life livable but mostly they were things we had talked about for years. 1) get the house fully insulated - we were literally as well as metaphorically burning money. e.g Replace the large single glazed windows with tripples as they currently bled heat out onto the moor. 2) swap the cars for a nearly new sensible hatch back, balance paid off from lump sum (Decided to share a Datsun Kumquat and have two bikes). 3) Sell the children on Ebay - we had to abandon this one as they didn't reach their reserve price.

The best bit was discovering we could still keep our house on the edge of the moor and move to India for the winter. You don't believe me? OK it breaks down like this, cost of LPG during the winter months £250 for 4 cylinders x 5 months = £1250, cost of renting a 2 bed villa in Kovalam £240 pcm. And then there's food, e.g. cost of a lunch in the uk, 1 Sandwich, a drink, bag of crisps £3 (meal deal), cost of a fish thali (Rice, veg/lentil curry, piece of fish, pickles) 80 p. Bottle of beer Kingfisher UK supermarket price £2, in Kerala 80p Of course you need to get there first but take out the cost of random breaks and holidays, time needed to recover from the time spent working. (last year >£3,000) and the flight cost disappears.

In fact living the dream and having time for us should be cheaper than working. I hate management speak with a vengeance but this really was a no-brainer.

Loosing friends

Fern, Hector & Maddie with Montie and Archie, it had been a busy day

I'm not talking about you lot here, we can skype, phone email blog to our hearts content this was much worse, we would need to re-home the dogs, Fern & Hector. No way could we afford to kennel them through the winter and it would have been no life for them. At one point half the village were trying to find them a home, they had to stay together and be in a forever home where they could still be country dogs. In the end Labrador Rescue came to our aid and found them a loving home in Dorset. We have seen photos of them there, taken a day after arriving. Hector on the sofa fast asleep with his head on his new owners lap, Fern curled up in a new sheepskin bed. (disloyal gits!!!). Seriously, i'm glad they can continue to bring love and fun to a new family. They can be looked after in their new forever home as they looked after me when I was ill. The day they left was one of the hardest days I've ever had. Even now, a month on, writing this bit has me in tears.

Renting a home

By the end of the first week in Kovalam an opportunity came up to trial our dream before we made the final decision. We had told Chris one of our Indian friends we were thinking about renting a house for the winter and as usual Chris came up trumps. we were going for lunch at his place, it was his youngest daughter's birthday and we had an old laptop which was no longer fast or big enough to hold our lives on. Photos, music, films etc so we had decided to give it to Chris to give to her. In typical Chris style he insisted it should come from us and we should pop over to give it to her. That morning he had arranged for Ravi our tuk-tuk driver to pick us up to take us there. We had a few sweets and chocolates for Jodie and Grishma, Chris's wife and elder daughter and were sitting ready to go. We piled into the tuk-tuk and headed off up the hill. Ravi then took a sharp right and parked up, Chris had arranged with him to take us to an apartment to look at with a view to renting it that winter. It was fine, compact but fully air-conditioned, 3 mins from the beach and they wanted £280 pcm for it, it would do nicely but Chris hadn't finished. we jumped back into Ravi's little tuk-tuk and off we went again.

This time we went a little further back, we had no idea where we were, as it turned out we were just an 800 meter walk from the beach but no longer in foreign tourist land. This was where the middle class folk from Mumbai and Delhi had their second homes. It was on a small back road, tarmacked but one lane, surrounded by coconut trees and banana plants, there was a small brightly painted kindergarten across the road. The house was a green walled villa, two stories high and very Keralan with its pitched terracotta roof. The lower floor was a self contained flat, obviously at some point it had been the servant's quarters, the upper floor apartment was reached by a wide staircase up to a large covered balcony veranda about three times the size of our lounge at home. In the corner a wicker hanging basket chair swayed in the gentle breeze to complete the picture a 1 meter crystal chandelier hung over the front door.

Chris opened the door, inside opened up to an "L" shaped double aspect lounge with views out over the road and off up the hill. the place wasn't air conditioned but a ceramic tiled floor, double and at some points triple height ceiling, with two massive fans made the place feel cool and airy even though this was mid day. to the left behind a curtain covered arch was a 5 x 3 meter dining room with a large family dining table and chairs and off that a large kitchen with fridge, gas burners sink and granite worktops. All the walls except the one with the window which looked out over the outside staircase up to the roof, were hung with large dark wood cupboards. Just off the kitchen there was a utility/drying room with a washing machine. We walked back into the lounge and from there into the two bedrooms both large with plenty of cupboard space and en-suite loos and showers.

This was cruel, it felt like Jim Bowen had popped up and done his "this is what you could have won!!!" routine. The owner had arrived, apparently Chris's uncle, i'm not sure if this was an actual blood relative or not. I may need to explain here, uncle is a variable term in india, as is auntie, its a sign of respect and is used all the time. In India I have more aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces than i do here. He had come to give us the once over and through Chris explained how the place had only just become vacant as a Latvian lady had rented it for the previous 8 weeks. She had been difficult and on leaving had taken all the linen with her. It had cost her, 90,000 rupees for the two months about £450 pcm at today's exchange rate, about £500 at the time.

I knew it, we couldn't afford this one... Chris saw my face fall, he grinned and turned to his Uncle.
"Of course Uncle, you didn't get that much did you not with booking and agents fees and cleaning ?"
Uncle wobbled his head... we were about to play the game
"And Uncle these people are my friends and want to rent for 5 months not 8 weeks, And... they won't be steeling your sheets"
Again the head wobbled.

There is no such thing as a fixed price in India, except in some department stores but even then i'm not so sure.

The Game.

Indians love to negotiate and Chris is a master of the haggle. Respect, disbelief, smiles, frowns, anger, humor all play a part in this game. The first thing i learnt is its not about winning or losing, its about reaching a price both parties can feel they are happy with. Chris may have started the game but I had to play this time, this was his uncle and it wasn't fair to ask Chris to go head to head. I knew he would step in if i was going to get fleeced but it was up to me. I came in at 18,000 rupees pcm  pointing out there was no air-con, he came back at 30,000 saying he was going to put it in this year anyway, i went up to 20,000 saying i didn't need air-con and pointed out that the area was prone to drought and the well might dry-up, He said he was going to dig a new well anyway and moved to 25,000. I said I'd let him know in a day or so.

We went on to see an even bigger house, again just a little further back, 4 bedrooms this time and in need of a good clean but massive - £160 pcm. The decider was the fact it would have been a tuk-tuk ride to the beach, Ravi was keen on this one for some reason, maybe next year.

We then went on to Chris's for Anna's Birthday lunch and Jodie's wonderful home-cooked Keralan food.

Despite the higher price we had fallen in love with our little green house and gave Chris the news, so he rang his Uncle and said we were interested. We now had a house for the winter, and better yet as it was empty we got to "try before we bought" and moved in the next day staying there for the rest of the holiday. We met Uncle, shook on it and signed the agreement on the last day of our trip.

The five months between then and now have been a whirlwind of emotions and things to do, Sarah handing in her notice, seeing relatives and friends, saying goodbye to the dogs, beginning to move at a different pace.

So in short.

Sold cars, gave up-job, re-homed dogs, packed, moved to India for the winter. (14 words) As yet no Disney movie alternative.

7: 30 BST - Noon in India - Time for coffee and see you in Kovalam.

Not for us, not this year anyway....

Kevin